she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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