She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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