I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
