Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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