i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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