Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
