i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
