my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just high enough for therapy.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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