Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
