i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
this hospital has no fireball
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
