So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
