actually, I'm a sock model
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
