escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
