Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
