these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just high enough for therapy.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
