Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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