The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
