Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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