you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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