How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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