if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
