Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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