exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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