We're facebook friends in real life
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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