Its about making memories worth repressing
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
