i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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