How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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