Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
