Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
