I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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