I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
