Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My ass is underappreciated
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
