I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
