i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
