She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
