At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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