I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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