Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
