That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This is my gift to your gina
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
