Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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