he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
