Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
