I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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