Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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