Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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