somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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