if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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