Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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