My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
