Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
being pregnant is like rehab
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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