I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
