She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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