i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize