i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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