Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
