i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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