He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
