She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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