apparently the secret to your success is patron
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
