I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
