we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
