just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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