Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
