11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Non-Jews are for practice
i wish my penis had a tongue
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
